I want this.. I want that.. What do I want..?? SOLITUDE..!

Jammu is freezing today. I haven't seen the sun since quite a while and here I sit, nested cozily inside my blanket (well my mom still keeps an eye if I am staying warm or not, lest i should catch cold.. MOMs will be MOMs and I love my mom :)). I, being a good girl, am obeying my mom and keeping my body warm, yet I feel cold, cold inside. My skin maybe warm but under this skin I feel nothing. I feel damp and wet. I am not really a melancholic but at times stuffs happen and I start to lament. Perhaps, December does this to me. The cold me inside competes with the cold outside.Whoa hold on, this in noway means that I have lost that living spirit. That's still inside but everyone has these days and I am having one too.

So what landed me here, in this condition? I was as usual working on my college selection process when suddenly a thought struck me,not thought but more of a childhood dream that was lost somewhere all this time, maybe not just lost but intentionally hidden for I had to focus on the reality rather. It was like one of those movies where the story goes into the flashback and everything appears clearly in front of your eyes.I realized later this is something I still want and here it goes;

I *wish* to live in a city where I am a total stranger, where there is no one who knows me. I would roam the streets, may be Times square, or streets of London or Notre dame or Great Canal, Venice, anywhere with my CAMERA all time, clicking pictures of the changing seasons, random people, capturing various moods arbitrarily, the anger, the innocence, the love, the hatred.Mornings I would go to a biology lab and research and the evenings I would dress up in a warm jacket and long boots, and walk over the freshly fallen snow and click the bewitching beauty of nature. Maybe roaming around the streets of London and watching everyone dressed up whole in black (like in old movies) will do! A place where I would return home without anyone to question me, and then I would sit down and write and write, a place where I would have to keep no one happy but me. It would be all about Me and just Me.

So as the flashback ceased, I felt a li'l suffocated.I couldn't breathe for a while. I realized this is something I still want. I want a life like this.I need some solitude. I looked out of my window and it had grown dark, very dark. It was pitch black with some lights lit far away.I could relate to it,maybe for now its dark in here but still there are some lights lightening the path or maybe I can use the light inside my heart to guide me through this. Its only a matter of taking a step to my dreams. After all there is a light at the end of every tunnel and its only in the darkest of the night that we see the brightest of the stars. :) I wish for the day when I upload a post saying I am living my dream.

"Solitude is the place of purification."