Hope

August rains are a lot like heartbreaks. You see them coming but you are never ready for them. They both make you want to hide under the sheets. The bizarre longing for something, someone is just the same. You know the fall is now inevitable and so are the dark winter days. However when it's all over, everything shines brighter and the colors emerge again. And just when you are about to give up you know it's spring again.

Full stop.

Out on the shore, feeling the moonlight drawing shadows of the night on me, romancing the summer air as it traced down my hair, is when out of the blue (must be the mid-night blues), the thought of you crossed my mind. Coming to me, you stretched your fingers out, reaching to touch me once, unravelling my strings, I let all of me come apart in your hands.
But as you walked away again, leaving me one, with the air and the moon and the water, I went back to dancing with the night to the music of the sea, with the hopes of you coming back to me and loving me like you used to. I let the sheets of waves pelt me, you watched me move in anguish while I bore the burns of knowing your touch, as you sat there smiling, letting me sing and making me wonder if I ever was anything more than, an emotional crutch, an object you could just play with as you pleased.
I wish I could put a full stop in the end but the pain persists..

 

Post Heartbreak.

I found myself thinking about him again.  What I remember most was my crying and my white-hot clarity that my heart needed protecting and I was the only one to do it. Constant bickering and fighting had left me exhausted. I still remember the spiraling fear I felt when I realized I had to leave the person I loved the most for the sake of my own sanity.

The break up has been rough in a lot of ways. I haven’t cried in days, but I wake up every day from terrible dreams, I can barely sleep peacefully. I wake up after every few hours, anxious, panting for breath. I wonder how did he not care all this while, if he claimed to be just as much in love.I think the anguish started with that thought and then overthinking overpowered rest of the train of thoughts. I knew two things: I needed help and I wasn't doing a great job at providing it myself at that very moment. I cried, and I laid on the floor, my arms scraping the rough carpet of my bedroom that I am not particularly a fan of. In those minutes that felt like an eternity, I begged to feel whole again, I pleaded for help, and I surrendered completely. The evening after I googled words like “chest pain”, “restlessness” and so on and on. I was immensely desperate for the answers. I wanted something substantial, a quick fix for the pain.

I read a lot of articles and found that the way I was feeling was normal. It might a path to depression but definitely a normal reaction. An article on the website of dailymail.co.uk was particularly informative. A Stony Brook University found that the anguish of a break up activates the same part of the brain that is stimulated during cocaine addiction. According to Colombia University psychologists, intense emotional pain activates the same networks of nerves as physical pain. So being rejected or grieving over a lost love can actually really hurt, and feel a bit like being punched.

For some weird reasons, reading all of that made me feel better. It satiated the nerd inside me and I felt like it all was just a way of my body handling the heartbreak. Never mind calling it handling would be too far fetched, I would call it reacting to the heartbreak.

Heartbreak like every other wound takes time to heal. It is astounding how this passage of time feels at once inconceivable and heartbreakingly normal. Somethings can’t be forced. The best you can do is step back and let alchemy take over. 

I was reading an article on the NASA website today where it was mentioned how stars battle each other in a gravitational tussle, which ends with system breaking apart and some stars being ejected in different directions. I guess humans are the same way. We circumnavigate each other's soul, come close, drift apart, zillions of emotions come into play and in the end we either compromise, make a peaceful metaphoric solar system or we end up being those speedy,  wayward stars lost somewhere away.

I might not know a lot of things right now, I might be lost more than ever but I know one thing for sure, my past is snarky and dark, but freeing too, and it has made me love the life all the more. When you love someone, in the moments of true despair reach out for each other, but I found myself battling this alone. However, I know I can survive this and life will be full of rainbows and unicorns again. Okay well not all that jazz, but you get the hint.

Hey there Autumn!

As Albus Calmus would say "“Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.”

This is my third tryst with the American autumn but honestly it is for the first time that I am actually witnessing or rather experiencing the marvel and splendid shades of autumn in its full glory. The golden yellowish shades of autumn foliage are absolutely stunning and incomparable. The outside is drenched in the beauty of autumn. The bright shades of orange, brown and yellow are any photographer's delight. 

Fall makes me want to buy school supplies, sit outside, turn up some music and draw and write. Fall makes me want to fall in love. There is something melancholic about fall but this melancholy is soothing at the same time. The tempest inside my heart resonates with the sad mist of the autumn. It is like an old friend reassuring that it is okay to be sad and that there is a reason for tears and for smiles.

The autumn sky despite lacking the summer sheen looks brilliant. I do miss the long summer days, flooded streets and the bright sky but then the clean and crisp autumn air feels equally blissful. Let's embrace autumn till it lasts!

23 lessons learned in 23 years of living

1. Your parents have always been right (almost), especially your mom.
2. Your GPA doesn't tell how smart you are. There is a world beyond those fake numbers.
3. Life isn't fair. So suck it up. However, that doesn't mean if one door closes, another won't open. Just keep looking out for opportunities.
4. Procrastination is not cool and its the best way of self sabotage.
5. It's alright to hopelessly love someone.
6. It's alright if someone breaks your heart. It teaches you a lot about yourself. It teaches you about a million of emotions you could feel, it shows you how strong a person you are and it helps you find the real you.
7. Most of the times you're not in love, you are in love with the idea of love.
8. You can find yourself alone amongst a group of friends , but then that's okay too. That  means you need sometime for yourself.
9. It's alright to learn a lesson the harder way and It's completely fine to cry. It doesn't mean you're weak. It's a sign of strength.
10. You're strong and that's why you have survived so far.
11. People will leave you. That's how it is! Don't cry over it.
12. It's okay to be SCARED but that shouldn't stop you from trying new things.
13. Do not regret any choice you have ever made, it's something you wanted at that instant, in that moment. Learn from it , don't regret.
14. It's alright to kiss a stranger.
15. Reading and travelling are mandatory.
16. Staying in touch with high school friends won't be difficult if you really want to stay in touch.
17. Living with friends is beautiful but living alone is awesome. No pants. Hell yeah! 
18. Eat whatever you want to and as much as you want to. Let's do justice to our taste buds. Dieting is over rated. Having said that, exercising is important too or just go for a run. No one wants to die of high cholesterol at the age of 40.
19. Netflix will be there for you always.
20. You will not see your best friend everyday but you will know you can call that person at 2 a.m and cry and they will patiently listen to you the hundredth time about the guy who broke your heart, about the job you don't like or how life has been sucking blood out of you.
21. Your teenage poetry isn't gonna get you famous but keep on writing.
22. It's never too late to change your majors or interests. Be strong enough to do what you really want to do.
23. Nothing lasts forever but then Life is too short to be unhappy.

Poetry

So I was sitting on my couch, watching the rain falling on my window pane and surfing on internet when I came across a zillion of thoughts of how I love poetry. It was within a microsecond that all my technical thoughts shifted from how to create an artificial blood vessel to how beautiful a writer Shakespeare is. How brain works is crazy, isn't it? In a microsecond cutting through a  myriad memories and current assignment ideas, my brain recalled a poem about Lucy, violet, moss , which I had read back when I was 11 or 12 years old in my English textbook. What I was surprised at was that how it was deep rooted inside my head. Since I remembered a few words from the poem, I googled them and Bam!! There it was!! 'She dwelt among the untrodden ways' by William Shakespeare.

I hesitated to read it for a second. It was like opening of a chapter from childhood where those memories warm you up from inside, but they also tear you apart. Poetry is the overflow of powerful feelings that have been originated from emotion recollected in tranquility. I wanted to share this poem with everyone. Here it goes-

            SHE dwelt among the untrodden ways

            Beside the springs of Dove,

          A Maid whom there were none to praise

            And very few to love:

          A violet by a mossy stone

            Half hidden from the eye!

          --Fair as a star, when only one

            Is shining in the sky.

          She lived unknown, and few could know

            When Lucy ceased to be;                                  

          But she is in her grave, and, oh,

             The difference to me!

A blizzard that never subsided

Something was pushing me to go there. Something that I didn't understand. Some mysterious force. Some incomprehensible power. My struggled against my heart. It warned and begged my heart to hold back those inconsequential steps but I still kept moving. For a second I did withdraw my footsteps but then again I mustered up some courage and I began my journey. Yes, it was for the first time since the migration I decided to visit my homeland, the Heaven on the Earth, Kashmir.
I wanted to go there alone so I had no one to accompany me. My parents protested and asked me to take someone along with me but I denied. I wanted to be alone, alone in the lap of my motherland. I wanted to talk to the wailing valley, the broken walls, the lamenting fields, the snow-covered roofs in solitude. I wanted to be there all by myself.
The next morning I started off with 'the journey' I had been longing to undertake since quite a while. After a tiresome journey of about 10 hours we crossed the BANIHAL tunnel (Banihal is kashmiri for Blizzard ), also known as The Jawahar Tunnel. I looked outside my window and I couldn't take my eyes off the beautiful Pir Panjal ranges, the green mountains, the fields, the cold breeze that ran through my hairs. The enchanting fragrance of the soil was enough for me to know that I was home, my real home.
I reached Anantnag, the city where my parents had met 24 years ago, the city my grandparents had spent 50 years of their life , the place talking about which still make my grandmom's eyes wet.
I started recalling all the stories I had grown up listening to. Kashmir was beautiful indeed. I was awestruck.
Ad mist all the bewitching beauty of Kashmir, I noticed something missing. It wasn't the same as before.
The laughter was gone. The smiles no longer existed on the faces. The warmth had ceased to exist. All I could see was skeptical gazes or sad faces. The curfew was still being imposed in some areas. Apparently the place never recovered. Controlling these overwhelming emotions I drove to the house my family owned. I stepped down from the car only to see that the place was burnt down to shatters. A chill ran down my spine. My breath started getting deeper, steps slower and I felt cold. Oh so cold!
I looked around and I could hear people wail over the dead bodies of their loved ones, the cries of the women who were raped, the screams of children. I could see blood all around. I could see the woman suicide, jumping into the well to save their honor. I could hear mourns of the children left orphaned. I could see people leaving their houses feeling helpless. I could hear the people assuring each other that they would return one day to their places. I fell down on my knees and I cried. I cried thinking about the night everyone had to leave this place, the suffering and struggle that followed this migration, the unarmed people who were murdered, the people who never recovered back, the people who still live in migrant camps. I stood up and with shivering legs I hurried back towards my car. The void in my heart had just got bigger.

It has been 23 years of exile but deep down something still assures me that one fine day the world will realize that Kashmiri Pandits have indeed returned back to Kashmir.

That fraction of a second!

She was nervous,her hand were shivering,she ordered a Margarita, she carelessly pushed her hair on to the left side of her shoulder, the fringes covered her restless eyes.. She looked at him through the thick strands of her wavy black hair... His eyes were intense, fixed in her direction.. She was aware of the fact that he was staring at her.. every moment in their was getting heavier.. She took a sip of her drink, her throat burnt.. His sharp eyes were more than she could take.. She decided to leave the bar.. She grabbed her bag, and slung it carelessly  across her shoulder and walked away.. His eyes were still fixed on her.. watching her steps moving away .. She came out of the pub and lit the cigarette and puffed it once when suddenly someone pulled her from behind.. She knew it was him.
She pushed him away. He grabbed her from her waist. She struggled but all in vain. He pulled her closer, lifted his hand and took off her woolen muffler that was hiding her lips. His piercing eyes made her feel weak in her knees. She wanted to give in. Her heart throbbed faster and faster. Deep down she knew how much she wanted him, but she let her brain make the decision. He finally said he had been meaning to say since past two months. He asked for one last chance to make up to that one night she walked on him cheating with her friend. 
She gazed into his eyes and firmly denied, called a cab and moved on. A tear rolled down her cheek. This tear was a mixture of both strength and weakness. She had moved on, in that fraction of second, she was free of all the chains, all the shackles.

One day!

When I woke up today my eyes were full because I knew what I had lost.. I knew a dream had died somewhat.. I was angry. Angry with myself. I wanted to slam doors, shout, scream, break the glasses, blame myself, blame God, I wanted to go out , get drenched so as to wash these emotions away. There were about a billions of emotions.. anger, sad, frustration, hurt, I was so angry that if somebody were to touch me they would have burned of my wrath. I wanted to get out of my bed, but my legs were stiff.. I couldn't breathe, I wanted to not to cry but the tears rolled down my cheek.. I dragged my self out from the bed.. I struggled to find the bottle of water.. I drank one sip.. I was thirsty.. very thirsty.. I wanted to drink more.. But i couldn't.. It was yet another conflicting situation.. Tired of trying.. I smashed the bottle against the wall.. spilling the water all around.. I walked towards my laptop.. I started writing.. but I couldn't find words.. I Knew things were not going to be the same.... I could hear the sound of my heart break..

Hypocrisy- isn't it?

The Delhi rape case.. and everyone is enraged or so it seems. What makes me say so?
Well read this. What are people doing exactly. Sitting at home, updating their facebook status and liking the ones updated by others regarding the same.
And when you ask  them to join the movement, you get replies like- I am busy, My mom doesn't allow me, I am going out for a boy's night out, and last but not the least I've a job. The maximum we do is to update our profile pictures to a black dot and say we are against rape. Oh Sure you are..! You sit at home, snuggled up in blanket and abuse rapists. Yes, yes that will help the society.
Yes, protest is not a solution but it is the only option near to the solution.So India wake up, rise. It would never look like a big deal to you until it happens with you. Make your country a secure place for women.
I  heard another story of a man drugging and raping a 3rd year old (Read again 3 year old) in west Delhi. Isn't it a shame?

Moreover I would like to thank Honey Singh for objectifying women. Speaks volumes of the society we live in.             

Get your asses up from your comfort zones before it is too late.        

I want this.. I want that.. What do I want..?? SOLITUDE..!

Jammu is freezing today. I haven't seen the sun since quite a while and here I sit, nested cozily inside my blanket (well my mom still keeps an eye if I am staying warm or not, lest i should catch cold.. MOMs will be MOMs and I love my mom :)). I, being a good girl, am obeying my mom and keeping my body warm, yet I feel cold, cold inside. My skin maybe warm but under this skin I feel nothing. I feel damp and wet. I am not really a melancholic but at times stuffs happen and I start to lament. Perhaps, December does this to me. The cold me inside competes with the cold outside.Whoa hold on, this in noway means that I have lost that living spirit. That's still inside but everyone has these days and I am having one too.

So what landed me here, in this condition? I was as usual working on my college selection process when suddenly a thought struck me,not thought but more of a childhood dream that was lost somewhere all this time, maybe not just lost but intentionally hidden for I had to focus on the reality rather. It was like one of those movies where the story goes into the flashback and everything appears clearly in front of your eyes.I realized later this is something I still want and here it goes;

I *wish* to live in a city where I am a total stranger, where there is no one who knows me. I would roam the streets, may be Times square, or streets of London or Notre dame or Great Canal, Venice, anywhere with my CAMERA all time, clicking pictures of the changing seasons, random people, capturing various moods arbitrarily, the anger, the innocence, the love, the hatred.Mornings I would go to a biology lab and research and the evenings I would dress up in a warm jacket and long boots, and walk over the freshly fallen snow and click the bewitching beauty of nature. Maybe roaming around the streets of London and watching everyone dressed up whole in black (like in old movies) will do! A place where I would return home without anyone to question me, and then I would sit down and write and write, a place where I would have to keep no one happy but me. It would be all about Me and just Me.

So as the flashback ceased, I felt a li'l suffocated.I couldn't breathe for a while. I realized this is something I still want. I want a life like this.I need some solitude. I looked out of my window and it had grown dark, very dark. It was pitch black with some lights lit far away.I could relate to it,maybe for now its dark in here but still there are some lights lightening the path or maybe I can use the light inside my heart to guide me through this. Its only a matter of taking a step to my dreams. After all there is a light at the end of every tunnel and its only in the darkest of the night that we see the brightest of the stars. :) I wish for the day when I upload a post saying I am living my dream.

"Solitude is the place of purification."

Babiessssss..... NOooo wayy...

Yes, the above illustration represents me aptly. Every time when someone asks me to hold me a baby, I panic just the same, thinking I might hurt the li'l life. Ok, yes, I stop being nice here. There are many other reasons like;

1. Tears accompanied by loud noise: Yes I mean the CRYING babies:

I mean seriously, these babies can cry for hours altogether and turn down all sorts of pampering and love showered upon them. Its like they say 'I am bored, so I'll cry'.

2. That creepy stare

I was once travelling in a metro and this child sitting exactly opposite to me, wouldn't stop staring me with those big round eyes. Scary much.!! His stare was like, "I don't know who you are and where you live but will find you and kill you." I tried to smile to ease the tension but the baby just wouldn't stop and I de-boarded my metro. (oh because I reached my station, C'mon) :D

3.We can do whatever we want with you:

One place where I feel incapacitated. You would relate if you have ever been with a baby messing up with your perfectly tied hair and just because everyone is smiling and laughing at the not-so-true fact that how cutely naughty the child is, you become one helpless person. All that you can do is to smile.

4. Last but not least... We can poop wherever we want, on whosoever we want:

Needless to say.. This annoys me the most....

* The end*

P.s I don't hate babies but I just don't like them that much.. :|

To travel is to live..!!

Once the travel bug bites, there is no known antidote and I know that I shall be happily infected until the end of my life...

Oh how I wish I could leave this place and travel to the lands far, far away.. Explore the cities,  deserts, hills... Ah..!! a dream I am living for.. a dream that I'll turn to reality.... soon very soon..!!
I am curious, curious about just every other thing, curious about nature, the far away lands, the diverse flora and fauna, different cultures, customs and traditions and lifestyles of people. The more I think, the more exciting it gets.

I  can't live a monotonic life. I just have to get up and see new things and new place. I love travelling and I 

Yes, I am one of those travelers who would pack their bag up without knowing where to go. I don't want to know where I have been to and I don't want to know where I am going to.I just want to travel to far away lands drinking the soulfulness of this cosmos, absorbing the freshness of nature, and capturing its ultimate beauty in my heart.
The withered flowers, the broken roads, the ancient monuments, the new skyscrapers, the green fields, the snow covered hills, the dried ponds, coral reefs, colorful seas, the unending deserts, the naked mountains, the freezing lands.. I want to see them all.. I want to live them all.
Travelling is talking with those of  the gone centuries.Travelling is finding yourself at a distant place. No matter why or where you travel, there is always something wonderfully new to be found..

And this is my motto.......... Lets Go everywhere....!!!! :D :D

and I hope I meet you during one such journey of mine:)

Do it now...!!

You wanna do it..??
Do it now... :)

RAINS.. Yes we all love them...!

Its a beautiful afternoon... and yes you guessed right it rained here in jammu....!

Rains make it so hard to get up in the morning ,right?. Anyway I am up and I am trying my best to be regular here.. :)
Rains... Different people have different ways of  savvying it...!
Who else could say it better than Bob Marley  " Some feel the rain while others just get wet"

How do you feel when it rains? 

The raindrop, exquisite aint it?

For me.. as I see the raindrops trickling down the window i feel numb.. Its way too beautiful... !
Have you ever studied two separate raindrops dribbling down the pane,  following  their own routes and at some point they merge into each other...does it not feel like they have reached their destination...gives the feeling of completeness... PHEW.. what a satisfying view it is..!
A single drop of rain can assuage all the pain... It does not simply fall on your body, it touches the soul...!

The raindrops on my body placates all that burns and wounds. Its soothing... Nothing can beat this ointment..!
As the rain precipitates, I feel like I am alive.. It engenders life inside me. It redefines the meaning of life, gives me zeal to move on, encourages me...

I dance in the rain. I love the smell of the earth. I love those beautiful drops of rain on leaves,
I spend the whole day admiring the untarnished beauty of the nature..
It brings in me the lucid state of my mind, relieves me of all my worries (even just for a little time, but it surely does)
AND yessss

I love the hot coffee and the book in my hand while it rains outside...!
I hope you love it too and better yet FEEL it.. :D
Happy monsoons... :)
# rain is falling on my window pane and i'm hiding in a safer place.. BUBBLY by colbie calliet.. awesome track.. do try it :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY GIRL :D

YES It is your 22nd and I am more excited than you.... Happy birthday Mannat Sharma... I dedicate my today's post to you and only you... :D

Yeah I have been brainstorming for so long as for what to do to make you feel special (which you truly are to me) on your b'day and then the Idea struck me to write about you.. Yeah I am not a Really good writer but I am going to try nevertheless...! Kindly bear with me..! :)
You have been a friend, a sister, My broda , the loveliest roommate and what not...! I know you would be the best "wingwoman" if i ever needed one.. ;)
I miss all the times we spent together... I mean I have fun with so many friends but nothing can beat the fun when YOU and Me are together.. Dude we just GO CRAZY LIKE ANYTHING...!
Remember the hostel night, impromptu Chandini chowk plan (though i would like to forget we ate at Haldirams of all the places ... silly us :D), Fest times and our crazy dance, Cricket match in children's park, our karaoke and HIMYM nights.... Phew..! We are nuts and I like it that way..!
I know together we have all the potential to embarrass ourselves anytime anywhere..!
We are weird, we don't really like to get ready for any occasion, we love sleep, we read, music is our life, we own your I-phone :D :D we adore riddhi, I think I love Your divya tooo.. :D  and so so much..
And yes how can I not mention we were so so weird (we still are but not that much) way back when we loved Twilight, Robert Pattinson, Taylor swift.. Blah blah... I know that was uncalled for but then again c'mon its the moment of truth..!
You have always been nice and more nice to me.. Grin*
You have dealt with me and my clumsy manners so well and I thank you for that from the depths of my heart.. :)
I have kept all your messages.. of our sophomore year.... everytime you went back home you messaged me "I love YOu,tc" :D :D
Yeah I take my chance to thank you for all the delicious sandwiches that aunty prepared for us.... Shit I miss those....! :)
You have been with me always, no matter what... i assure I'll always be there for you.... Sorry for the times I acted like an ass..
Bro you are hot , sexy, cool, not fat, got pretty eyes, speak blaaaaah and so much every girl wants to be.... U r perfect (except for one or two things but guess we can chuck them.. hehe) :D Just kidding :P
I know you are romantic at heart.. hahaha...!
Thank you for holding me on the Friday night... It is the best memory You gave me to cherish forever... though we can bury my sobbing :D
Please let me know if you ever need me... Seriously it won't seem like but I Care for you...I fail to show it...but yes...I am always there at your beck and call...! :)

You've always been a great friend and I know you always will  be.p.s I know when you read this you will be call me names... DUMBASS.. BITCH.. SUCKER..! hahahaha... I know YOu are embarrassed for you can't take so much of  praise... and i love you for that... humble girl..! <3soooo Happy Happy b'day My love... enjoy.. go insane... for I guess it will be last one in India( atleast for  next two years)... NExt year we will celebrate it together in AMERICA... :D Love..!

I am finally an engineer.. :D

I am not blogging much and i feel terrible for that..
I am such an indolent lil girl.. All i do is to slack and sleep and nothing. But guess I deserve that.Finally after ages I am living a peaceful life. No more college or school or assignments. No doubt i loved that phase a lot but reading a good book with coffee in your hand and having nothing to worry about... can world get any better.. :) :D
Oh yeah m treading off the main topic...silly me... So finally I completed my engineering and i am proud of it.. :D :D 4 years of extreme struggle.. I love you up dude :D
Science is my first love. Ain't it fascinating.... !
Friends... oh man.. i so miss them... living in a hostel is like the most awesome experience i have ever had...
I'll definitely write about the hostel life some day.. i am sure it will be a fun ride just like living it was...
Four years of struggle with books, maths , computer, microbio, immuno, bioprocess and what else not... I  feel old... :) hahhahaha... chuck dat... i am not bothering my readers with this shit :D
Well Congratulations India... Saina has stormed into the quarters.. hopes she brings the gold... fingers crossed....!
so am signing offf... have so much to do...! off i go..
oh yeah a happy 'raksha bandhan'... stay happy .. keep reading :)
#listening to 25 minutes by MLTR... good track huh :)))
PUFF :D

sketch pens!!

Couldn't get a better reason to start my blog....
Met an old school friend after an year and a half. As soon as i saw him,all the emotions came together. I was all nostalgic. Nothing is more beautiful than the feeling that engulfs you while you are with an old friend recalling the times when all that mattered was a new packet of sketch pens and a box of chocolates.
Going down the memory lane we talked about the days when life was simple and easy to live, we remembered how we used to wait for games period and how we ran across the building drenched in sweat and covered with dust. The bags were packed even before the closing bell rang.The only things that were important were playing games after 4o'clock in the evening and watching Shaktimaan on Sunday. Birthdays were worth waiting for.
Howsoever the best part was the excitement on seeing a fresh packet of sketch pens. Life was colorful. The sky was bluer and grass seemed greener.
But now life has turned a bitch. It does its level best to teach you lessons that you don't  even want to learn.
Ah but can't help it, i oughta flow with the flow else i'll get drown. I am sure i'll survive. :) :)
P.s. My head is playing the song SO YOU WANNA BE A ROCKSTAR bY Cypress Hill. love it.